Teens in the House Again - A Grandparent's Blessing

My grandkids are fraternal twins, 16 years old, and orphans. They became orphans when both parents died from injuries they received in separate car accidents. After 50 years of marriage my husband and I are raising teens again.

The house is filled with teenage sounds: beeping alarm clocks, guitar chords, rock music, running feet, and occasional laughter. (I hope to hear more laughter soon.) The four of us are trying to get along. While we disagree on some things, we agree on one -- grief stinks.

"Grief Stinks" is a chapter title in Lynne B. Hughs' book, "You Are Not Alone: Teens Talk About Life and the Loss of a Parent." Hughs lost both parents at an early age and understands kids' grief. In 1998 she founded Comfort Zone Camp for grieving kids. According to Hughs, talking about happier times helps kids cope with grief.

Though I often talk about happier times, inside I am still grieving for multiple losses, the death of my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law. Staying upbeat for the kids is a challenge. I have smiled when I wanted to weep. I have comforted when I needed comfort. I have kept quiet when I wanted to scream.

As Lynne Hughs observes, "Sometimes you have to walk through that 'wall of pain' to get to the other side of healing." Yet having teens in the house is helping me to heal. How has my life changed?

I'm learning new things. My grandson is a computer whiz and I'm learning about wireless networks, gigabytes, and thumb drives. My granddaughter is a gymnast and I'm learning about "burns," the importance of pointing your toes, and dismounting properly.

I'm moving constantly. After four deaths in the family I pigged out on comfort food and gained five pounds. Though I thought about joining the health club again, I didn't get around to it. Forget the health club. I'm up at 5:15 a.m. and don't stop moving until my head hits the pillow at night. The extra pounds are gone.

I'm laughing again. When I called the twins for supper the other night my granddaughter said, "Coming." But my grandson didn't reply so I asked his sister to find him. She emailed her brother and, within seconds, he was sitting at the table and asking, "What's for dinner?" The twins' conversations also make me laugh.

I'm planning a future. Eight years ago we took our family to the Isle of Man, birthplace of our ancestors. After the twins finish 11th grade we plan to take them back to the Isle of Man. The trip will be an early graduation present. Planning the trip is half the fun and we are talking about our plans now.

I'm feeling younger. I look my age and, while I'm not young in years, I'm young in spirit. Bob Deits discusses the importance of attitude in his book, "Life After Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life After Experiencing Major Loss." He asks readers how old they are and if they think of themselves as old.

"Personally, some days I feel quite young whereas on other days I feel older than dirt," admits Deits. Multiple losses made me feel older than dirt. Indeed, I felt I was mired in the muck of grief. No more. I'm blessed to have teens in the house again. When my grandkids have teens of their own they will understand their blessings.

Copyright 2008 by Harriet Hodgson

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